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2010-10-23 - 4:10 a.m.

this double irony

her dad has a hospital bed, and an abundance of wonderful hospice help - an empathetic social worker, and five different phenomenal nurses.

and all i can think is, fuck, where was that help when we needed it?

when my grandfather was dying, i cared for him not because i loved him, but because i love my mother. things in our family shattered.

* * *

What have you done with all your words & gaudy language hats? ~ lara glenum

* * *

my mom says, "we're not the kind of people whom other people want to help. i don't know why this is."

because there is a difference between fiction and falsehood, to understand perfectly is to misunderstand completely. i tell him, "i'm not upset now. i don't need anything at this moment. i needed help earlier, when i asked you for it." this water coming from my eyes is just a way to regulate my autonomic nervous system.

after all, which fool always wins the debate by signs?

* * *

reading: the long ships, frans g. bengtsson.
listening to: soviet league - nurse down.
working on: fuck if i know.
in the garden: there are more than a thousand bulbs to plant.

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