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2022-01-14 - 12:10 p.m.
the burden, split at the seams
each of my projects and collaborations has died a slow death. the opportunities that come my way seem increasingly predatory. certainly my disaffiliation from academia means i am now perceived through a different lens. and the sociopolitical climate seems to leave some people feeling very comfortable in disrespecting those of us whom they were never really inclined to respect in the first place. all this to say, i find the worst part of being a stay-at-home parent is how many people assume i must be stupid.
* * *
not that i am particularly good in this role. there is no comforting, regular order to our home. do we have the car today? will the grocery shelves be stocked? will our activities be cancelled? it is very cold outside, so i take the children to find frost castles and look for strange ducks on the pond. it is not very cold outside, so i take the children for a picnic in the forest. the weather is hostile, so i take the children to the library, bring them home, and read them books in a fort made of pillows and blankets. i perpetually do the bare minimum of housework, and the house perpetually turns to shit. the children need constant tending.
* * *
reading: the bookshelves are packed beyond capacity, so i am re-reading my library to divest myself of moribund books. right now, i am revisiting marisha pessl. when special topics in calamity physics was published, every review seemed to center the attractiveness of the author, with the merits of the work as an afterthought. do i like the book enough to keep it, or do i just feel defensive of it, on the author's behalf?
listening to: "the wood man's favorite song" - that is, annika by bjorn olsson. my children are enjoying the netflix adaptation of "hilda."
working on: in theory, i am housekeeping. in practice, i am constantly shirking the task at hand. i fail to accomplish much of anything at all.
in the garden: everything is frozen.
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