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2012-02-10 - 10:07 a.m.

i hope to prevail.

i watch my bones rise up like the terrain under receding floodwater. it was not flesh but only the illusion of flesh, held together with hope and medication.

two weeks ago, a sweet nurse wrapped my swollen finger in dental floss and slid off my wedding ring, so they didn't have to cut it. i never saw her face, but she rubbed my hands with lotion and fed me ice chips with a plastic spoon.

* * *

when my husband is anxious, i need to keep the house very clean, make sure meals appear at regular hours, be an ordinary quiet presence. but it's so much easier to lie down on the couch or in the closet, let the dishes pile up in the sink, sleep until very late in the afternoon.

* * *

reading: author guidelines.
listening to: mostly debussy.
working on: life and lists.
in the garden: narcissus buds are growing pale and fat.

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