2019-11-17 - 7:30 a.m.
everything happens, and then we find reasons.
the baby was nearly one month old. in the early afternoon, the first snow of the season began to fall.
i started walking to the kitchen and suddenly there was so much blood, bright red and everywhere.
all night and through the next day, i didn't go to the hospital. then there were cramps, and some large clots, and then the bleeding slowed.
i was astounded how much stupider people began to assume i was, after i became a mother. if you experience secondary postpartum hemorrhage, it is recommended that you save all the things you bled through, so your medical team will take you seriously.
* * *
reading: the murderer's ape, by jakob wegelius. i have a lot of thoughts about this book.
listening to: my son practicing his toy guitar. damned if he isn't actually pleasant to listen to.
working on: knitting some warm clothes for the baby, so we will be ready for the weather when i am back on my feet.
in the garden: at the first hard freeze, the little ginkgo tree dropped all its leaves at once, and the wind swept them into an arc across the lawn.