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2010-10-23 - 4:10 a.m.
this double irony
her dad has a hospital bed, and an abundance of wonderful hospice help - an empathetic social worker, and five different phenomenal nurses. and all i can think is, fuck, where was that help when we needed it? when my grandfather was dying, i cared for him not because i loved him, but because i love my mother. things in our family shattered. * * * What have you done with all your words & gaudy language hats? ~ lara glenum * * * my mom says, "we're not the kind of people whom other people want to help. i don't know why this is." because there is a difference between fiction and falsehood, to understand perfectly is to misunderstand completely. i tell him, "i'm not upset now. i don't need anything at this moment. i needed help earlier, when i asked you for it." this water coming from my eyes is just a way to regulate my autonomic nervous system. after all, which fool always wins the debate by signs? * * * reading: the long ships, frans g. bengtsson. listening to: soviet league - nurse down. working on: fuck if i know. in the garden: there are more than a thousand bulbs to plant.
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