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2016-12-07 - 5:16 p.m.


a week ago, i had a long and difficult labor. now, i have a beautiful baby boy.

people, being polite, ask me questions about his birth. it took a long time and it hurt, i say. with the follow-up questions, their faces shift from benignly humoring the new mom to blanched and horrified. 46 hours of back labor, an epidural, three hours of what would never be described as "rest" in any other context, four hours of pushing, a baby who never rotated and arrived in the world sunny side up.

i was awake for 53 hours straight. at some point, the sleep deprivation became worse than the pain.

honestly, i feel like all of us who ended up with a healthy baby had it easy. my baby went through everything i did, unflagging; it strains credulity that such a new and helpless person could be so strong.

* * *

i have more to say, but i should sleep.

* * *

reading: end-of-semester emails from students and colleagues.
listening to: songs from the point, an album of harry nilsson covers.
working on: healing, puttering around, trying not to let the housekeeping get ahead of me, because if it does, i will never be able to catch up.
in the garden: all the leaves are down. briefly, a light dusting of snow made everything look so peaceful, like a dream.

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