2009-05-02 - 10:47 p.m.
from dead grass and bare dirt
you guys, i have been so sick.
this time, i asked for different meds, because i did not want to put my head down on the kitchen table and wake up on the floor, not sure of the time or day or year. i did not want that heavy viscous feeling.
now, i am so scattered. i have energy but i can't seem to hold a thought for more than a second. i wonder, should i go in the backyard, i would like a snack, why am i holding a hammer?
it was surreal, at the plant sale today. there were all these amazing things, like you'd only see in the hengduan mountains or the enid annenberg haupt conservatory. and everyone was nice, and no one was pushing or grabbing things, and i could not hold a thought for more than a second.
i spent too much money.
but i was thinking: in one year, i turned my garden from nothing into something. in two years, i turned it into something striking. in five years, is it possible that i could turn it into something amazing?
* * *
reading: food lion store brand cereal would like to explain to you how the internet works.
listening to: baustelle - il nulla
working on: making an awful mess of my knitting project. i am knitting like a spider on benzedrine. i cannot concentrate at all.
in the garden: the wallflowers are blooming themselves to death in an orange and purple profusion. should i take cuttings, or should i pinch off all their flowers?