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2018-02-15 - 3:38 a.m.

another february

it's just one thing after another - a case of the flu that shifts seamlessly into bronchial pneumonia. the water heater fails and floods the basement. the dishwasher breaks and leaks silently into the floorboards for several days. norovirus hits in the middle of an art opening. the burnt-out circuit panel in the oven. the timing belt on the car. an ominous noise from the washing machine. dying trees in the backyard.

right now, it's just me and the weather.

4 am. a cup of tea.

* * *

we drive past our old house, and it is ugly. the new owner painted it an unsettlingly fecal green, took down the bird feeders and bird houses, and did away with my gardens. there is no charm left in that charming house at all.

our much-anticipated visit to north carolina is cut short because my husband's grandmother died. she went in for a minor medical procedure and did not wake up from sedation.

9 things i miss about north carolina:

1. my brother and his wife.
2. many dear friends.
3. winter pansies.
4. ume blooming in the early spring.
5. local greenway trails.
6. summer wind in the pines at night.
7. the farmer's market.
8. wild orchids and carnivorous plants.
9. lost opportunities and all the things i did not do.

* * *

reading: richard scarry stories to the baby.
listening to: birds in the springtime air.
working on: an escape plan.
in the garden: here, daffodils. at home, frozen mud and dirty snow.

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